I went to a symposium this weekend – completely for personal enrichment! I had decided to stay at a hotel one block from the one where the symposium was being held, for a variety of reasons. I had checked the distance and even seen the street on Google Earth, so I was confident that I was still close enough. I did have a car, but figured I could easily walk the distance; after all, I'm the mom who lets my kids walk. I should be setting the example.
I discovered the first morning that one block still wasn't close enough. I left my hotel room 5 minutes before the first session of the day and was almost race-walking the one city block. The same phenomenon occurred several more times where I was on such a tight schedule trying to fit everything in that I wasn't leaving time for a normally paced walk from one hotel to the other. I tried to figure out why.
I don't like wasted time. As much as I long for the days of being able to sit around all day reading or watching TV, I don't do it anymore. It doesn't feel productive. I don't think it's that I don't know how to relax, I can certainly sit down with friends and forget the time or enjoying researching, discussions, or shopping online. It's the "in-between" that I compress. I hate standing or sitting with nothing to do. I try to always carry a book or my iPod, or a magazine to give me something to do when I'm waiting. Walking with a destination in mind (as opposed to "going on a walk" just for fun or exercise) always stresses me about the time involved.
Why am I that way? I chose to be a stay-at-home parent partly because I thought it would free me from a hectic and harried lifestyle. Mostly it has. Much of the time I feel as though I have enough time to take care of both the urgent and the important responsibilities I have. Yet, I still feel as though I can afford no wasted time.
I'm going to ponder how I can change my thinking this way. If you have a thought or suggestion, feel free to share.